March 5, 2003

From the Tree of Life,

each leaf must fall --

The green,

the gold,

the great,

the small...

Each one in God's own time,

He'll call --

With perfect love,

He gathers all.

Memorial Service:

Parkway Baptist Church

12465 Olive Street

St. Louis, MO 63141

Saturday March 8, 2003

11:00 a.m.

In lieu of flowers, we ask that a donation be made to the Histiocytosis Association. Please note "in memory of Anna" on your donation as your gift will then go directly to research on HLH.

Histiocytosis Association

72 East Holly Avenue

Suite 101

Pittman, NJ 08071

Anna's liver and kidneys did not improve last week. On Friday, she had several apnea (stopped breathing) episodes because the pain medication she was on kept building up in her body. By Friday night, the doctors decided to put all medications on hold and move her to the PICU in case they felt a breathing tube would become necessary. Intubating in the PICU is much more controlled than in the BMT unit. On Saturday, Anna was taken to the operating room to insert a catheter in her stomach so that she could have dialysis which was needed due to her fluid retention and kidney problems. She was intubated at this time and in an attempt to let her body heal, it was decided to leave the breathing tube in to support her. As time went on, it became more and more clear that Anna's little body was too tired. She fought so hard. On Tuesday morning, Anna's Daddy and I and our parents met with Anna's doctors. Anna was being supported with the breathing machine and blood pressure medicine, but it was clear to all of us that it was time to let go. 

We decided that Anna would be extubated and the blood pressure medicine would be stopped. Anna would continue to receive a sedative and pain medications.  We along with our parents, and Dr. Rob were in Anna's room as she was extubated. I held Anna in my arms and her heart stopped at 9:57 a.m. on March 4.

 
It is comforting to know that Anna's suffering and incredible fight is over. She is now healed and we will never have to worry about her getting sick again. We love her and will miss her terribly, but we have such peace. She touched so many in her short life and we are so, so proud of our little girl. We could not have asked for a more beautiful, good natured, loving child.

Anna's Memorial Service was held on March 8, 2003.

For Anna
by Mamma & Daddy

What to say at a time like this?  We could tell you how much she was loved and how we were all so touched by her, but we know that you already know this.  We know that each of you loved Anna and that she touched you in some way.  We will never be the same because of her.  She gave us all a very special gift.  She only lived for 6-1/2 months, but she touched more lives in this short time than most of us will in a lifetime. 

 There’s a passage in the Bible that describes Anna’s life well - 2 Tim 4:7

 I have Fought the good Fight
I have Finished the course
I have kept the Faith 

Anna fought so hard and we are so incredibly proud of her.  Anna never gave up:  When Anna was diagnosed, she spent 13 days in the PICU at St. John’s.  She fought that battle and won.  She was later diagnosed  with pneumonia and her disease came back.  She spent an additional 17 days in the PICU at St. John’s.  She also fought that battle and won.  She never gave up.  Through the end, Anna fought . . . her strength will always be our inspiration   She’s the reason we get up in the morning.  We will live better lives because of her.   She is our hero. 

Many of you didn’t get a chance to meet Anna, but those of you who did know that she was an incredibly good natured, happy and very social child.  If you gave Anna a toy, she would look past the toy and want to see who was in front of her.  In a room full of people, she’d turn her head each time someone new was talking.  If someone walked into the room, she’d want to know “who’s that?”  We know that we were Anna’s “favorites”, but she never objected to someone new holding her.  She loved people and we are thankful for every person, family, friend, doctor, nurse that we were able to share her with.

 I loved being pregnant.  As all mothers-to-be I was excited, but nervous.  Even after ultrasounds, there was always that concern that something wouldn’t be right.  Right before Anna was born on August 14, my doctor asked me “So Karin, is it a boy or a girl?”  I immediately answered, “It’s a girl.”  I always knew that we would have a little Anna.   Daddy was right next to me as my doctor placed Anna in my arms for the very first time.  There was such relief to finally hold her and see that she had all ten little fingers and all ten little toes.  No more worry that something wasn’t right.  I don’t remember, but he told me that I said, “she is perfect.”  She completed us and the moment was perfect. 

 This past Tuesday, we were at a different hospital and another doctor placed Anna in my arms.   As on her birthday, I had the same feeling of relief.  Anna was healed and we no longer had to worry.  She will never again be in pain; she will never again be sick.  Once again, the three of us were together and the moment was perfect. 

 We have peace.

 When Anna was diagnosed back in October, my mom bought Anna a CD of lullabies.  Since then, this CD has been with her everywhere.  Not a night, at home or in the hospital, passed that we did not play this CD for her.  When Anna was in my  arms on Tuesday, we played this song for her.   This is Anna’s song.